I turned 28 at the beginning of this month, and holy heck does that ever sound old.
{ Cue the “If you think 28 is old, just wait until you’re [insert older age here]!!” comments… }
Can we just all agree that growing up sucks, regardless of the age?
And it doesn’t help that I look really young for my age and constantly get talked down to and not taken seriously because of it. If I’m going to look young, then couldn’t I just have actually stayed young?
Whenever I make comments about how I hate getting older, my mom replies with “You were always the one who couldn’t wait to grow up!”, and while I agree that that was true when I was much younger, I tapped out at about 20 or 21.
That seemed to be the perfect age – old enough to have my own car, rent a cute apartment, drink adult beverages and stay out dancing all night, have a job with a little more responsibility (and thus make a little bit more money), without anyone actually expecting much from me.
Those were the years my friends were still in university, not leaving me feeling like a failure because I never completed post-secondary (sorry @ SAIT, but the Travel+Tourism diploma did not count.)
We were all single or in semi-long-term-but-not-actually-serious-yet relationships, no one had kids, no one owned a house.
We worked in mostly-fun jobs that were completely unrelated to what we actually wanted to do, and that was fine.
And I didn’t yet feel like something was wrong with me for not wanting the things that everyone else does, or maybe wanting some of those things but lacking the resources (financially, mentally, whatever) to pursue them.
I didn’t feel like I was being left behind.
Those were the days.
{ I wish I could’ve lived there forever. }
But I digress.
I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity party (although, it’s my birthday so I’ll pity-party if I want to!), what I actually wanted to do here was list 28 things that I haven’t learned over the past 28 years.
I feel like people often use their birthdays as an excuse to write a list of X-number of things they’ve learned in the past X-number of years, and, while I love that concept, I feel like there’s still so much I haven’t learned.
And so I’ve put together a list of 28 things I still need to learn, things I’m working on, things I’m trying to remember, things I’ve only half-implemented, and things I may never learn.
Here we go.
1. How to say “no”. Ask anyone close to me, and they’ll tell you how bad I am at this. I constantly end up making plans with people, taking extra tasks on at work, agreeing to do something when I’m already at capacity, just generally filling my plate with ten times more than what I can handle, because I just. can’t. say. no.
2. It’s okay to ask for help. I like to do everything, and I like to do it all by myself.
3. How to take a compliment. I get uncomfortable and/or disagree with what they’ve said, always.
4. Also, how to take criticism. I get hurt and defensive (in my head only, though), always. And I can guarantee that any criticism someone can come up with about me – I’ve already thought about myself, but 100 times worse.
5. Patience. I used to seriously be the world’s most impatient person. I’ve definitely improved over the years, but I still struggle with this. Sometimes I feel like I’m moving at 100 times the speed of everyone and everything else.
6. Other people aren’t scary. They’re just people.
7. It’s okay if things aren’t clean + tidy all the time. This applies to my bedroom, my mind, and my relationships. Sometimes a little mess is okay. It doesn’t mean the world is going to end.
8. No one is going to break into my house while I’m sleeping. Probably. Hopefully. I mean, the chances are low, but it could still happen. You never know. (Clearly this is a big one I’m still working on.)
9. The extra hour of sleep isn’t worth it. Stop hitting the snooze button. I just end up feeling worse because I don’t have a good sleep after the alarm first goes off, plus then the morning gets off to chaotic start and I don’t feel ready for my day.
10. Sometimes, the extra hour of sleep is absolutely worth it. Deep down, you know what you need. Just try to know that you need it in advance, and re-set the alarm before you fall asleep the night before, instead of being woken up by that snoozed alarm every 9 minutes for an hour in the morning.
11. There’s more to life than my To Do List. This pains me to even write. My To Do List is everything. I know deep down that I’m wrong, but my brain can’t move past it. I think the world would explode if I ever got to the end of my list… or if I gave it up.
12. Some relationships are meant to be let go of. This applies to romantic partners, friendships, and even family members. (Actually, especially family members. Just because you’re related to someone by blood, that doesn’t mean they have to be in your life if you don’t enjoy being around them.) You don’t owe anyone anything, and honestly? No one owes you anything either. Lower your expectations (within reason – don’t let yourself be treated poorly), love people for who they are (again, within reason), and then walk away if you’re no longer benefitting from a relationship.
13. It’s okay to make noise. Blast the music without worrying about your neighbours (unless it’s like 2 am or something), speak up when something bothers you, say excuse me and pass people on the sidewalk instead of slowing to a crawl behind them to avoid an interaction.
14. Dropping hundreds of dollars on travel is a good idea. Dropping hundreds of dollars every month on food + drinks is not. I’ve got a good handle on the “spending money on travel” part, not so much on the dining out and adult beverages.
15. Get off your phone / computer / TV / screen waaaay before bedtime. Easier said than done. (But so important.)
16. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In fact, it’s usually not. I am notorious for wanting what I can’t have (and then being disappointed or getting bored when I inevitably do get what I want.)
17. Stop being paralyzed by fear. Just do something. Anything.
18. Force yourself to move, even when you’re tired, or low on energy, or in pain. Especially when you’re tired, or low on energy, or in pain. Oftentimes, the movement makes it better. Even if it’s just a 10 minute walk, or a 20 minute yoga session, or washing the dishes, or having a shower. Some sort of action always helps.
19. No one is impressed by a cynic. Oops. [insert shrugging girl emoji here]
20. How to express what I’m thinking and feeling…
21. …and how to stop saying things are fine and good and great and okay when they. are. not. I’m so bad for this. I will be falling apart inside and no one will ever know. Or if I do express a little bit of how I’m feeling, I play it off as if it’s actually no big deal, or make a joke of it. But more likely than not, I just don’t say anything at all.
22. There are more than enough hours in the day. I just need to stop wasting them.
23. It’s okay to relax (and feel good about it) sometimes. Can’t imagine what this feels like!!!!!
24. Go with the flow.
25. Stop being so easily overwhelmed by things that don’t matter. I treat everything as if it’s an emergency, as if it’s the most important thing in the world.
26. Change is always uncomfortable (but it’s almost always worth it), and that’s fine. I used to love change. I used to look for it, and go after it, and force it into my life wherever possible. I pursued change hard. But as the years have gone on and I’ve gotten more set in my ways and have seen all the ways change has been bad, I’ve gotten scared. It’s okay to be uncomfortable while changes are happening, and I need to remember that, one day very soon, I’ll adjust.
27. It’s okay to be in a different place than others, and to not want the same things.
28. How to let things go. Grudges, old relationships, embarrassing things that happened to me when I was seven… I remember it all, and dwell on it constantly.
One thing I have learned, however (just to throw a fun little bonus in here), is that a good laugh, a long night’s sleep, and time spent with people you love really does solve everything. It sounds cliché, but if there’s anything I know to be true in life, it’s that.
