I hate those blogs where every other post starts with “I’m soooo sorry for not posting in such a long time, I’m going to get better I promise!” (they never get better), and I’m not saying that’s what this is but…
{ That’s what this is. }
With my small readership, I’m not sure that it matters. As well, this is my website – there’s no rules about when to post, or how often. I don’t think that I really owe an explanation or apology. To be honest, I feel that starting posts by apologizing for not posting ruins the flow of the blog and website in general. Just pick up where you left off, or start fresh. Why bother with your reasons and excuses and apologies?
However – there’s not a whole lot else going on in my life right now, especially travel-wise, so I figured why not update y’all on my life a little bit?
When I started my blog in January 2015 (that’s over FOUR YEARS ago y’all. Wild!), I was fresh off of one of the most adventurous years of my life.
2014 involved me traveling to Hawaii, Las Vegas and various spots in Alberta and British Columbia, and culminated in a monthlong trip backpacking through Laos, Thailand and Cambodia.
Additionally, I drove across Canada and the United States from home in Calgary to my cottage in Tobermory, Ontario { think three hours north of Toronto near Lake Huron } and back – including four months living at the cottage. I also drove between Tobermory and the Montreal area. Five days after returning from Southeast Asia at the end of October, I moved across the country to Truro, Nova Scotia, where my boyfriend-at-the-time was going to university.
And so you can see why, in January 2015 when I started this blog, I had big hopes for my future of travel. Writing and traveling were the things I was (and still am) the most passionate about, and Instagram influencers and bloggers were an up-and-coming trend at the time, so it seemed like the natural thing to do.
The blog/Instagram didn’t really take off as I’d expected. After about a month, with my 300-ish followers, I thought getting featured on an account with 1000 followers would really boost things. It didn’t. THEN I thought getting featured on accounts with 10,000, 50,000, 100,000+ followers would help. That didn’t either – I maybe gained 5-10 followers from my photos being reposted on these accounts. I was also under the assumption that as soon as I got a ‘real’ camera instead of just my iPhone and started posting better photos, I’d gain followers. Surprise, surprise, that didn’t really help either! I worked hard, I used hashtags, I engaged with other accounts, and I did see some growth over a few years, but then Instagram introduced the algorithm. I realize how stereotypical it is to complain about that, however it has made it next to impossible for me to grow my Instagram account and promote my blog, and my IG presence has grown smaller and less active as I’ve grown frustrated and less inspired. Add that to the fact that I really haven’t been on any exciting travels in a few years, and you can see where my lack of written and photographic content comes from.
Outside of social media, 2015 was a struggle, both mentally and financially, and it got a little harder to have those grand adventures I was seeking. That being said, I managed. I did little road trips all around Nova Scotia, I spent time in both Calgary and Tobermory/the Bruce Peninsula, and in May and June I worked as a tree planter near Prince George, British Columbia (hardest job of my life, by far). I also drove between Tobermory and Nova Scotia a few times, passing through 4 provinces each trip and getting to see more of this beautiful country.
In the summer of 2016, I moved from Nova Scotia to my cottage in Ontario and worked at a kayak rental shop for the season, doing lots of road tripping and hiking around the Bruce Peninsula any spare chance I got. At the end of the summer, I finally headed back to Calgary for good (for now), and started SAIT’s two year Travel+Tourism diploma program.
2017 was when the last little bit of my inspiration died. The year started with a trip to the Riveria Maya in Mexico – my first international travels in awhile, but that was the extent of it. I was in school and working two part-time jobs for most of the year, and my summer was spent at an internship doing visitor information services. Initially, this role was actually my end-goal when starting at SAIT, however I quickly realized I didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life.
That being said, it was a fantastic experience and I made some great friends and re-gained a lot of lost confidence, however I didn’t have much of a life outside of work since summer is the busy season for tourists in Calgary (as in most places) and we couldn’t really take any time off. I also ended a very significant relationship that summer, which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 2017 wasn’t all bad though. As I said, my summer job was truly a transformative experience, and towards the end of the year I began dating someone who I’d cared about for a long time.
2018 was quite possibly the slowest year of my life (I want to say “longest”, but I do realize that each year is the exact same length, give or take a day in February every four years, so that seems a bit overdramatic). I suffered through my last semester at SAIT and graduated from the Travel+Tourism program despite wanting to drop out every single day. I worked through another busy summer working in visitor information services, unable to take any time off to travel or even just relax.
My ‘travels’ last year involved quick jaunts to Banff and the mountains, to Sundre to visit my boyfriend’s dad, and out to Ontario a few times for family weddings. At the end of September after my contract was up at my job, I went out to the cottage for a month. I was hoping to use this time to reflect, work on personal projects, and improve my mental and physical health. Surprise, surprise, I didn’t do this, instead wasting my time re-reading books, drinking and eating way too much, laying in bed too long and watching Netflix. Upon returning home from Ontario, I returned to my good ol’ job at Starbucks in November as I wasn’t able to find a position doing something I really wanted, and I moved out in December so I needed the funds.
So far, 2019 hasn’t offered much relief. Despite already feeling overwhelmed, endlessly anxious, exhausted and impossibly busy, I took a second job through January and February. The job was in my industry, and I desperately need the experience and any leads I can get so that I can escape the barista life. I enjoyed this job significantly more than Starbucks, however I worked 7 days a week until March 1, and that was way too much for me – although I have no one to blame but myself.
While I’m not apologizing for not having posted in so long, I am apologizing for the negativity within the words here. I’ve always been the type of person to stay strong, and be resilient and keep going no matter what. I hate to sound (and be) this worn down and negative, and I hate even more to let others hear me like this, especially on my blog – that’s not what I intend to use this space for. That being said, I think some honesty about my life and a glimpse into what’s being going on behind the scenes is necessary every once in awhile – maybe then I seem more realistic and thus more likeable? Who knows?!
As F. Scott Fitzgerald’s quote goes, “And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” Like many people, I find that I start to feel better as spring begins, and better still as the sunshine spreads into summer. My hope is that soon I’ll be settled back into more of a life, and be able to do a little more adventuring. I have plans to visit Winnipeg, Manitoba and Austin, Texas in the next few months, as well as spend a couple of days in Jasper National Park for a wedding and head out to the cottage in Ontario for a little getaway later this summer as per usual.
I know { very clearly } what I don’t want in my life.
Now it’s time to figure out what I do want.